'Excuse me - could I just confirm if you have had a DBS check recently, and if so, the date and issuing organisation please?' That was the question I wanted to ask the person I found myself adjacent to on the plane yesterday. It's not really a question you can ask, in this situation. Mind you, I think I should have said the same to the survey person yesterday who said - 'I run my own business, but it's really very complicated so I can't really explain it to you now - what's your name?
'Helen', I replied.
'And your surname?'
'Well, it's long', then watched her duly write Helen Long. I didn't say anything. I suppose it makes more sense than the conference reception lady a few months ago who when I arrived at the event said 'can I take your surname?'; 'sure, it's double-barrelled...'; then before I had a chance to say more, she'd zipped straight to 'D' and assured me that there was no-one with the surname 'Double-Barrelled' on her list.
I said to the kindly lady at the bag-drop where Bluebird begun her first journey for a while, 'is this a good seat to be in?' and showed her my boarding pass, which was definitely a boarding pass. 'No', she confirmed.
'Right - could I move somewhere else possibly then please? To another seat though, the wing might be quite uncomfortable'.
She paused, then started typing furiously.
'Sure - would you like a window seat?'
'Yes please'. Sure enough I found myself upgraded to Premium Economy, where my table was bamboozingly stashed in an arm-rest and I had at least ten extra centimetres of leg-room for those all-important anti-DVT exercises - I'm not sure I did them properly, I just waved my legs around every now again, which I think didn't endear me to my neighbour. He also looked at my screen just as the women warriors of Benin had sacrificed a chicken and were sprinkling its blood over a pile of stone artefacts, which perhaps wasn't the best moment for him to glance over. Then dinner came and it was chicken. He requested the vegetarian option.
I stood patiently waiting for my giant orange tortoise at the baggage carousel then realised after half an hour how long a wait that would be. Bluebird then arrived and off I trundled through customs to find my sister waiting for me.
We cruised through the LA traffic - these six-lane freeways make the M25 look like a footpath - and soon (relative to having spent 11 hours on a plane) arrived to be greeted by my brother-in-law, nephew, niece and various pets including SAGE the dog, who was particularly busy during the pandemic.
Each week, 186 children and young people call me Helen, but there are only two in the world who call me 'Arnie Helen' and it is wonderful.
We spent my first day strawberry picking, chilling with friends, eating delicious food then watching 'Guardians of the Galaxy 3' - having never seen Guardians of the Galaxy 1, or 2, or in fact, StarWars or anything similar (apart from Superman and Spiderman, which are obviously totally real), I was gently confused by the whole situation, although I was very sad about the bit with the walrus, the rabbit and the otter, although they had said some important things about friendship, not that long before they all perished - the rest was lost on me.
The family car is a little different to my car. If the windows are down when you leave the family car, when you walk away, the windows go up and the car locks. Where I live, if the windows are down when you leave the car, you'll never see the car again.
No comments:
Post a Comment