I left you just as I was en route to buy a present for my
niece. Well, I failed on that front – I
couldn’t find anything in the limited selection of shops at Heathrow which an
11-month old would not a) try to eat or b) be confused by. So I didn’t buy her anything. I didn’t think too much about this until 13
hours later when I finally made it to the front of the immigration queue:
“Why are you here Mam?”
“To visit my sister.”
“Did you bring any presents?”
“Yes – a copy of Homes and Garden magazine, a Lego toy, and
a Battenberg.”
“That’s all you brought?”
Don’t you start! I thought to myself. Of course, that thought remained in my brain
and I did not let it reach my mouth.
It’s no wonder I couldn’t check in online with Austrian
Airlines – it wasn’t an Austrian Airlines flight! Methinks when one books
through Expedia, (have I mentioned that doing so generates a donation through
easyfundraising?), they pull an airline out of a hat and tell you that you are
flying with them, just for fun.
When I checked in – again, via a personality-devoid machine,
it asked me if I wanted to upgrade and have a bed, for just $1000 – now let me
see…. Of course not! How ridiculous. I
was in seat 17B, not a window seat as I hoped, but it didn’t matter.
A 20-something male to my left watched films which ‘may
contain profanities’; I watched Paddington 2, then Peter Rabbit. I also read half a book (the first half) and
started drafting fundraising letters for next year’s major international
project. I also slept quite a lot. My dreams got a bit confusing – what with two
films about the personification of animals,reading The Number One Ladies
Detective Agency and moving each time the 20-something male needed the
‘bathroom’ (which was rather too many if you ask me – he might consider making
a doctor’s appointment) – I woke up at least twice and couldn’t fathom where I
was.
It was rabbit central today.
When I was buying the Lego, I came across the Sylvanian Families
section. I played with these as a child
and always remember Felicity the nurse rabbit who ran the Cottage Hospital. I will forever envisage Cottage Hospitals
being run by humanoid nurse rabbits. I
remember first hearing of Tonbridge Cottage Hospital, back when I worked for
the NHS in another life, and imagining it being staffed entirely by humanoid
nurse rabbits like Felicity.
The association of certain Sylvanian Families creature names
does not leave you – anyone called Arabella is in my head, Arabella Treefellow,
the owl; anyone called Walter is the daddy frog (Walter Bullrush); Abigail can
only be a hedgehog (Abigail Bramble).
It was a United Airlines flight and all was ok, although I’m
not sure the pilot took the quickest route – we seemed to fly over Luton, then
Manchester – surely the quickest way between two places is in a straight line?
Then the journey might be 5 hours instead of 11? Just a thought. But you know what they say – if God had
wanted us to fly, he would have built the airports closer to where the people
live.
I had fun eavesdropping on some academics in front of me –
‘I’m a Professor of < DELETED UNDER GDPR >’
‘Oh really? Where are you based?
‘Bath Spa’
‘Where’s that?’
‘Bath’
Man, it was deep.
Fast forward eleven hours and post-immigration I found
myself awaiting the FlyAway bus to Union Station. I made friends with a young student who is
doing a similar circuit to me, but over five weeks rather than five days. The bus was blissfully air-conditioned and
shuttled us unerringly to Union Station, where I went to purchase a train ticket
for the final leg of the journey. The
machine helpfully told me ‘once purchased, your Metrolink ticket is only valid
for 3 hours. There is not another train
in the next 3 hours – would you like to proceed?’ Yes! Of course I shall
purchase a ticket which cannot be used – what a sensible move that would be?!
I located a person wearing a luminous jacket. I always trust a person in a luminous jacket – I often wear a luminous jacket and
have a box of them in the car, just in case.
The box is labelled ‘reflective jackets’ – they do a lot of thinking,
you know. If you stand by the roadside wearing a
luminous jacket and point a hairdryer at passing cars, it really slows the
traffic down. Unfortunately the luminous
lady at Union Station let me down as she didn’t know about the Amtrak train
which I was after in the absence of a Metrolink train, but she was very
friendly.
An unexplained train delay meant that twenty-two hours after
leaving Plumstead, I am still travelling and have still not arrived – hopefully
within 15 minutes I shall actually be with my sister! I’m going to sign out
there and try to upload - there is Amtrak WiFi which doesn’t seem to be
working; there’s an alternative, but I’m not sure how Tomas would feel about me
connecting to his iPhone. I can’t wait
to have a sleep in a proper bed, rather than curled up on a meal tray table.
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