Tuk tuks - so good they named them twice

This morning, my tuk tuk took me to the airport at 5am.  My tuk tuk took about 20 minutes.  It was still dark when we left the guesthouse, but Phnom Penh didn't seem to have gone to sleep.  Stone (not Ston, like I wrote yesterday), had slept in his tuk tuk outside the guesthouse overnight.  Now that's commitment.  I wouldn't sleep in the office if I had an early meeting.  

The nightwatchman let me out of the guesthouse, I jumped into the tuk tuk, and off we went.  

I've spent part of the day pondering how many times I could use the sound 'tuk' in a sentence, consecutively.  I've concluded that the best way would be if my surname was Tooke (which it isn't), and if the name of the tuk tuk was 'Tuk Tuk'.  Here's my sentence (let me know if you can do better):

"Tooke took tuk tuk 'Tuk Tuk' to the airport".

Recently, someone who was interviewing me asked me what my surname was; 'it's long', I warned her; before I could explain, she'd written L-O-N-G; she went straight on with the interview; it was too late to go back.  So in some settings, I am now, Helen Long.  

I met someone who was actually called 'Helen Long' at a conference last year.  I told her my hilarious story.  'It's the best surname I've ever had', she proudly told me.  'The best?' I said;

'How many have you had?'

'Four'.  

'Four? What was it - divorced, beheaded, died?'

She didn't laugh.  At all.  I was only making conversation!

I had booked my flight to Siem Reap using Baby Asus, in the bar, on Wednesday.  I didn't need to speak to anyone; I didn't have to pretend that my name was 'CURRENCY CARD' like I thought I might, after booking it on my magic cash-card.  I glided through the aiport check-in process.

I got to security and wondered how tight they were going to be about liquids etc.  I had an un-opened 1.5 litre bottle of water with me.  I waved it at the security guard - 'I can take?' He shook his head disparagingly.  

Not wanting to waste the water, or miss the plane, which I'd made expensive plans to catch, I drunk the whole huge bottle in one go.  My body was so saturated that it felt as though my internal organs had floated out of place.  Not ideal at any time.  Certainly not when you're about to board an aeroplane.

I was worried about my suncream.  It's a kiddies' factor 50+ and a curious radioactive light blue.  But all was well and I was ushered through.  In departures, I was greeted by a coffee shop, where an Americano and a pain au chocolat quickly re-aligned my internal organs.  There was also a spectacular bed-like waiting area.  Here's a picture...

Picture coming soon...

I think these should be installed everywhere, throughout the world.  It was very cosy, for the ten minutes I was able to enjoy it.

Now, who remembers Hilary of 'I've got a horse called Helen' fame? When I was in the taxi from Hanoi Airport to Central Hanoi with Hilary, her former neighbour Liann and Liann's husband John, I mentioned that I was hoping to go to Siem Reap.  Liann kindly gave me the number of a tuk tuk driver she knows there called Ti.  

Last night, I called him to see if he was around today and, behold, he was! He met me at the airport at 7.15am this morning, with a handwritten sign which said 'Welcome Helen'.  I jumped in and he drove me all the way to the office where you buy your ticket which lets you into almost all of the temples.  They take a little photo of you, which appears on your unique ticket - what a great souvenir - then you show it at each temple you go to.  Then he drove me to Angkor Wat.

Angkor Wat is the largest religious complex in the entire world.  It's in line with Macchu Pikachu in Peru.  I hope UNESCO realise that tourists and visitors are walking all over it and the other temples there, which surely can't do it much good? Many of the temples are being cared for in partnership with other nations - Japan, China, India etc.  I need to find out what is going to happen when these partnerships cease, in 2016.  

Angkor Wat itself is spectacular.  It just goes on and on, with the different parts in various states of repair.  This morning it was heaving with thousands of coach parties - Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese.  Harassed tour guides waved flags around, trying to keep their groups together.  Some groups wore matching hats for identification, which reminded me of the recent epic adventure which Brownies in GLK enjoyed to Drusillas, when many units wore hats, ribbons, or similar, for easy identification.

There's always a northern couple wherever I go in the world.  One of them is usually called Janet. Angkor Wat was no exception.

As I strolled towards the giant temple, after Ti had dropped me at the gate, a girl came rushing up to me with a handful of garments - 'Lady, you want to buy skirt!'.  Yes - I thought; I knew there was a reason that I had got up at 4am and flown 200 miles - obviously, it was to buy a skirt.  I don't think.  I confess that I did later buy myself a t-shirt, which I am wearing now whilst blogging in a bar called Liquid.  I wanted to go to the quirky roof-top terrace opposite where I'm staying, but there seems to be a Hedge-Dwellers convention there, so I'm staying away.

I came across something today, which I didn't realise had become a craze.  Who's seen those ridiculous 'selfie poles' which enable one to take a picture of oneself, by attaching one's camera or smartphone to a retractable pole?  I can accept that these might be used at, for example, a social gathering, or a conference, where perhaps, one might want a picture of themselves with as many people as possible.  But in a complex of ancient ruined temples?! 

If you ask me, it makes the user look as though they lack the initiative or interpersonal skills to ask a passer-by to take a picture for them.  It also makes the user look like an idiot.  Fancy putting your faith in a pole (a metal one, not an Eastern European one, they are generally very reliable).  My advice to those using these poles at the temple complex today? Go and live in a hedge.

Ti drove me from temple to temple, each time advising me where he would wait for me.  Some temples, I ambled through in half an hour, others, a good couple of hours.

In the middle of one temple I was accosted.  A joss-stick (not Joss Stone) wielding woman appeared from nowhere and pressed three joss-sticks into my hand.  It all happened so fast. 

The woman looked like an aged, Cambodian version of Annie Lennox.  Suddenly, I found myself holding three joss-sticks and following this bizarre woman towards a small shrine.  She pointed at where I should put the incense-oozing sticks.  As I placed them there, she tied a red bracelet around my wrist and started chanting.  She then indicated that I should pay her, which I duly did, before fleeing.  This episode perpetuated an anxiety as to whom I might find in the next temple - an ageing Asian version of Joan Armatrading?

I thought - as I often do - what would Jesus do? In the unlikely event that Jesus was wandering around the temple complex of Angkor Wat and was accosted by an Annie Lennox look-a-like armed with joss-sticks, who then proceeded to chant and tie bracelets, I don't think he would resist.  He would respect her for what she was doing, but not consider it as an act of worship.  This is why I find religion so fascinating, because it's all about people and what makes people do what they do and think in a particular way.  That's why I did a Theology degree, taking every opportunity to study different religions (and, naturally, to gain a barrage of 'transferable skills', obviously).  I studied African Christian Theology, African Traditional Religion, Varieties of Religion in Modern African Society (my particular area of interest is Africa - can you tell?); Buddhism; Hinduism; Religion, Politics and Society in Mongolia; Religion in Japan; hence embracing opportunities to visit places of religious significance across the world.

Let's talk about elephants.  I saw some elephants today.  Some of the temples were offering elephant rides around the site.  You can tell whether elephants are African or Asian by the size of their ears.  If you're not sure, then work out whether you are in Africa or Asia, and it should become clear.  If you're in a zoo outside of these continents, different rules apply.

When visiting other countries, I like to chat to local women and hear their stories.  I spoke at length to a seller at one of the eight million temples today, who was a couple of years younger than me.  She impressed me with her linguistic abilities.  She has learnt a lot of English from chatting to tourists.  She can also sell things in French, German, Spanish, Dutch, Japanese and Chinese! We had a laugh running through all these different phrases, all of which has come from speaking to people.  

So often, visitors write-off sellers like these as an irritation and don't even acknowledge them.  To me, these people are the lifeblood of the operation, the very people who live and breathe the society.  We talked at length about how she is one of nine children.  She is married and her husband works at a swimming pool.  She has a son who is 3-years-old.  'You have to speak with people', she told me.  'They have their dollars, but we want to get to know them as well'.  I sat and had a drink with her, her brother, who was chasing after tourists trying to sell them books about the temple.  This is real life, not back-packer life.  Real-life is better.

At another temple, I was beseiged by tiny children, equipped with baskets full of Cambodia souvenirs offering 'Lady, very good price, just one dollar'.  They were tiny; age 8 - 12, just like my Brownies and younger Guides.  I asked their names and ages and if they went to school.  It was Friday afternoon; they assured me that they had gone to school this morning. I couldn't help wondering what their future holds.  If I come back in ten years, will they still be there? Maybe they will be multi-lingual tour-guides, charming the masses in 5 or 6 different languages.  Maybe they'll still be selling postcards and key-rings.  Who knows.  I asked them if they knew of Girl Guides of Cambodia; one of them said she had heard of it, but couldn't tell me anything about it, in English or French.  

If I'm honest, I got a bit tired of my own company today, so started pretending that I was French and spoke French instead.  

I had a wonderful day in Siem Reap, which can be done as a day-trip from Phnom Penh.  Like most things in life, if you believe in them enough and do all you can to make them happen, then they will happen.  

I absolutely stank from the constant application of my radioactive sunscreen and Deet, both of which one sweats off in minutes in the heat and humidity of Cambodia.  I kept track of my liquid intake today: 6 litres of water, 1 litre of Coke (I only drink fat Coke when abroad, mainly for the sugar hit which is rehydrating); 2 small coffees.  Those of you who were on the recent LaSER Leaders' Health Training can tell me if that was enough in 45 degree heat and 100% humidity here in Cambodia.

It rained later in the day, which was beautiful.  I held my fake Oakley hat in the rain till it was soaked, then put it onto my head and cherished the cool.

Exhausted, I asked Ti to take me back to the airport, where I was perplexed to find that the flight I was booked onto didn't actually exist! Thankfully, I was able to board the previous flight.  Stone was waiting for me at arrivals, and his tuk tuk took me back to my guesthouse for one final Cambodian night.  

Bonne nuit mes amis.  A demain.